I will be 50 this year. I’m close to being an empty nester. I’ve raised 7 children. I’ve had an awesome career I’m now retired from. I’ve been through cancer and beat it. I could name so many more things I’ve accomplished or been through up till now. But here I am with my time ticking down on my 40s, each day reminding me I’m “almost” 50! And I’ve decided I no longer owe anyone an explanation or excuse except the man I share my life with. If he’s on board, that’s all that matters.
When I was younger and wanted to get married when I was 17, I had to defend it. I had to convince people I was ready, explain why I would want to get married so young. When I started having babies right away and just kept having them, I got to where I actually dreaded calling certain family members to tell them I was pregnant again. Not because I wasn’t ecstatic, because I was. But because of the tiresome comments I knew were forthcoming. I was different, I knew it, wanting to get married young and have so many children. But it was right for me.
Anytime in my life that we made a change, a move, bought a new car, a dog, a cat, changed jobs, spent money, even ate unhealthy food, I felt I had to defend it. Well that’s ridiculous! I’m an adult. I’m “almost” 50 now. I’ve been through my share of crap. And if I want to do something that seems crazy or unreasonable to someone else, why should I feel afraid to share it, or do it?
People judge. That is why. My whole life I have lived under that cloak of judgement because I cared what people thought of me. Also, maybe, a small part of me thought I was being crazy too. But no more. I’m going to be me and that’s not crazy. So this year I’ve decided I’m too old to worry about it anymore.
No more am I going to allow myself to worry about other peoples responses or what they think of me, what I’m doing, or how I’m spending my time or my money. If I’m excited about something and want to share it, I will. If I need to loose weight but want to eat poorly right now, it’s my choice. If I spend money on something you don’t approve of, as long as my husband does than it’s not your problem. So if my response to you is not what you expect than this is why…I don’t need to defend my actions.
So my first announcement after this life changing, freedom giving decision to live on my own terms is this:
I’m getting another puppy!!! Yes I am. And not a little puppy, a great big puppy!!!!! Dan and I are welcoming a Saint Bernard puppy into our growing family of dogs. Because I want to, that’s why. My husband approves because he loves and supports me and we’ve always wanted one and he’s cute! So there!
Watch out 50, here I come!!!!
There is hope beyond this too! Glory to God for 50 years of living!!!!
Hope Beyond This 